Confusion Is My Second Name

There is just confusion in my mind
I dont know how to make it stop

Im searching for answers that doesnt exist
Somewhere
Anywhere


I love.

Love is a define word of everything that I feel. So much. And sometimes
I just feel that I would like to just stop.

Stop breathing.
Stop everything
I think that if everything stopped I would be captured in a bubble of trust

So this is how it is to be me.


One more thing about me,
I am terrible bad at saying NO
I just like to give everyone what they need
I just want to be there for everyone that I like

You need a hug?
I give you a hug

You need a cuddle?
Ill give you a cuddle

You need love?
Ill give you love
or confusion

You need a kiss?
I can give you a kiss

I might feel,
this is not right
this is not what I want
but than I think well its not to bad
its ok.

And I transfer myself to the now
and no one else exist in that world
but you and me
and that is very beutiful and lovely
and than I can give you everything that you need
without feeling any doubts that this may not be the
right thing to do
because we are here and now
and we love and its nice
and its beutiful and I just dont want to think
right Now

But
there is always a But
in my alone time
 with only myself to care about
and all of those who I love
and that loves
Me (?)
I feel attached
confused
strangled
scared
disgusted
terrified
sad
bad
strange
like something you would like to throw up
and definitely not look at
ONE
       MORE
                 TIME

I meet you
the other day
standing outside in the rain
you are looking at me with those
beutiful
lovely
eyes
with all that love
seeking
mine

and i just hold my breath
and wish that
i just
could
disappear

but i dont
you and i
are still here
there
in this galaxy
of longing

and you love
and i love

and we feel
and we kiss

and we hope for something
that doesnt exist



Cant you see?
I just want to give you what you want
Hey
is that to much to ask for
is that to bad is it?

Who the fuck am I
just some crazy fool

for Now

Good Bye.