Do you remember ..
When we climbed those rooftops, in the sunrise, and in sunset, drinking sparkling wine,
laughing our lungs out when we stumbled back down the ladder, without being seen,
at least we thought so.
When we cycled those streets of Gothenburg, all those times you waited for me at that bridge, when we stopped in the middle of freezing winter just because I wanted to look at the ice floes letting go following the stream back to the ocean.
Do you remember
When we sat sail and headed for bigger adventures, all those dreams we had.. all those hopes.
Do you remember when I forced you to take morning swims in the ocean with me even thou it was freezing cold, how we played at those children playgrounds, how embarrassed you where when you lent my computer which has this tag saying "I was here and Im queer" in that bar in Scotland.
Do you remember
When I danced naked on the beach and you filmed me and than put music to it..
Do you remember
When you cried the whole night, and there was nothing I could do to make it better.
When we talked whole nights through, just putting out the same words over and over again until they made no sense anymore.
Do you remember all those times Ive called you crying, not able to say anything that makes any sense and still you kept listening and after awhile everything felt better again.
Do you remember
Our last kiss ..
'Cause I do. And I think it was beautiful.
merina
let us all go out and have fun
fredag 27 november 2015
måndag 23 mars 2015
Just tearing my ribcage open
Im sniffing
at your scarf, to make the emptiness after you less heavy to brief.
Lets go for
a walk in the dark forest, lets just keep on walking in forever never land.
Where are
we now, where are you now. Just tearing my ribcage open, putting your whole
fist into it, jerking around like it was some kind of jerk competition going on
in my belly.
All there
was, was my tiny heart beating fast as hell, wanting to jump out in a hurry.
Carrying you
all with me in the jump.
I cant see
the end of this thing that we started, nor the beginning.
Where does
anything start, and how do we know when to finish.
Slamming
doors, giving fuck to anyone and anything that matters, don’t
matter.
Laughing in
grief. Giggling of happiness,
of love
that has not succeeded.
Tumbling faster
and faster down that hill of Joy,
Isnt it lovely,
Isn’t it wonderfuuuuul
Let’s not think
to much about it
What is
Love
Is it just
a feeling
What is a
Feeling
Is it just
a trick in our brain
What is a
brain
What is a
human being
Who Are You
Let’s just
not give a damn.
lördag 18 januari 2014
Confusion Is My Second Name
There is just confusion in my mind
I dont know how to make it stop
Im searching for answers that doesnt exist
Somewhere
Anywhere
I love.
Love is a define word of everything that I feel. So much. And sometimes
I just feel that I would like to just stop.
Stop breathing.
Stop everything
I think that if everything stopped I would be captured in a bubble of trust
So this is how it is to be me.
One more thing about me,
I am terrible bad at saying NO
I just like to give everyone what they need
I just want to be there for everyone that I like
You need a hug?
I give you a hug
You need a cuddle?
Ill give you a cuddle
You need love?
Ill give you love
or confusion
You need a kiss?
I can give you a kiss
I might feel,
this is not right
this is not what I want
but than I think well its not to bad
its ok.
And I transfer myself to the now
and no one else exist in that world
but you and me
and that is very beutiful and lovely
and than I can give you everything that you need
without feeling any doubts that this may not be the
right thing to do
because we are here and now
and we love and its nice
and its beutiful and I just dont want to think
right Now
But
there is always a But
in my alone time
with only myself to care about
and all of those who I love
and that loves
Me (?)
I feel attached
confused
strangled
scared
disgusted
terrified
sad
bad
strange
like something you would like to throw up
and definitely not look at
ONE
MORE
TIME
I meet you
the other day
standing outside in the rain
you are looking at me with those
beutiful
lovely
eyes
with all that love
seeking
mine
and i just hold my breath
and wish that
i just
could
disappear
but i dont
you and i
are still here
there
in this galaxy
of longing
and you love
and i love
and we feel
and we kiss
and we hope for something
that doesnt exist
Cant you see?
I just want to give you what you want
Hey
is that to much to ask for
is that to bad is it?
Who the fuck am I
just some crazy fool
for Now
Good Bye.
I dont know how to make it stop
Im searching for answers that doesnt exist
Somewhere
Anywhere
I love.
Love is a define word of everything that I feel. So much. And sometimes
I just feel that I would like to just stop.
Stop breathing.
Stop everything
I think that if everything stopped I would be captured in a bubble of trust
So this is how it is to be me.
One more thing about me,
I am terrible bad at saying NO
I just like to give everyone what they need
I just want to be there for everyone that I like
You need a hug?
I give you a hug
You need a cuddle?
Ill give you a cuddle
You need love?
Ill give you love
or confusion
You need a kiss?
I can give you a kiss
I might feel,
this is not right
this is not what I want
but than I think well its not to bad
its ok.
And I transfer myself to the now
and no one else exist in that world
but you and me
and that is very beutiful and lovely
and than I can give you everything that you need
without feeling any doubts that this may not be the
right thing to do
because we are here and now
and we love and its nice
and its beutiful and I just dont want to think
right Now
But
there is always a But
in my alone time
with only myself to care about
and all of those who I love
and that loves
Me (?)
I feel attached
confused
strangled
scared
disgusted
terrified
sad
bad
strange
like something you would like to throw up
and definitely not look at
ONE
MORE
TIME
I meet you
the other day
standing outside in the rain
you are looking at me with those
beutiful
lovely
eyes
with all that love
seeking
mine
and i just hold my breath
and wish that
i just
could
disappear
but i dont
you and i
are still here
there
in this galaxy
of longing
and you love
and i love
and we feel
and we kiss
and we hope for something
that doesnt exist
Cant you see?
I just want to give you what you want
Hey
is that to much to ask for
is that to bad is it?
Who the fuck am I
just some crazy fool
for Now
Good Bye.
Etiketter:
confusion,
everything,
how to stop,
name,
nothing,
second
tisdag 26 november 2013
two poems and one sleeping beauty
like the blood we are all aiming for the same goal
kisses of rainbow dust
but still the same
all over again
onsdag 13 november 2013
My world
words are upside down
they have pressed themselves inbetween
somebody elses knees
We wish we where different
anytime sometime
Can't get together
and there will allways be these
strange consequences
Jumping up and down
downwards is allways fast
But we you usually go up
up those high falling stairs
Stars in your eyes
I am afraid
afraid of leaving
afraid of appearing
afraid of annoying
You
they have pressed themselves inbetween
somebody elses knees
We wish we where different
anytime sometime
Can't get together
and there will allways be these
strange consequences
Jumping up and down
downwards is allways fast
But we you usually go up
up those high falling stairs
Stars in your eyes
I am afraid
afraid of leaving
afraid of appearing
afraid of annoying
You
onsdag 6 november 2013
Travelers
we are all travelers
finding our ways through space
searching for unreachable stars, glittering universe,
watery eyes, shadows of a half eaten rabbit
we believe in love
in the extended feelings of happiness
such as mum and dad, brother and son
but what if everything you thought where true
everything you wanted to believe was a lie
what if feelings doesn't exist
what if..
You
do not
exist
finding our ways through space
searching for unreachable stars, glittering universe,
watery eyes, shadows of a half eaten rabbit
we believe in love
in the extended feelings of happiness
such as mum and dad, brother and son
but what if everything you thought where true
everything you wanted to believe was a lie
what if feelings doesn't exist
what if..
You
do not
exist
onsdag 17 april 2013
Ibland känner jag mig väldigt obekväm i mitt kön.
Ibland känner jag mig väldigt obekväm i mitt kön.
Och det handlar inte om att jag innerst inne skulle vilja
vara man.
Det handlar om att jag känner mig obekväm i rollen som Kvinna.
Och allt vad det innebär.
Det handlar om att alltid känna att jag måste hävda mig.
Visa att jag är stark,
Att jag kan.
Även fast jag inte är en Man.
Att hela tiden få frågan:
”Klarar du verkligen det där?”
Som fan att jag gör! Annars hade jag väl bett om hjälp!?
Visst, personen i fråga ville säkert bara vara hjälpsam. Men
Om jag hade varit en kille, vore sannolikheten att frågan skulle ställas inte
lika självklar.. vore den?
Jag känner mig också väldigt obekväm i allt vad mitt kön
utsöndrar. Alla de doft essenser som tydligen finns där och som jag inte har
fått vara med och välja ut.
Jag var inte med och valde dofter som kåt, villig, liten,
söt, omhändertagande(läs-moderlig), feminin, svag, snygg, sexig, etc.
Till saken hör att jag trivs bra, faktiskt mycket bra med
min kropp. Jag har kanske lite för stora bröst. Jag ogillar när de hoppar och
flänger när jag springer, och jag ogillar bh, så det är komplicerat, men jag
skulle inte byta ut dem mot vilken penis i världen.
Det jag ogillar är vad andra registrerar i min kropp. Att
jag inte för vara jag.
Att jag är ett vandrande KÖN!
Det är knepigt när en känner att en inte passar in i sin
egen könskategori, men ännu mer knepigt när en inte passar in i några andra av
samhället skapade grupperingar heller. Typ queer eller liknande.
När det gäller min sexualitet så väljer jag att säga hur
klyschigt det än må låta att jag faller för en människa,
Inte ett kön!
Och det handlar inte om att jag vill stå för några politiska
värderingar eller någonting sådant. Det är bara så jag känner.
Men eftersom att det trots allt har blivit så att jag
umgåtts mestadels i kretsar med bi, homo, trans, queer personer, så har också
min inställning till heteronormen blivit som den blivit. Och eftersom att
heteronormen även bidragit till att skapa den roll som kvinnan nu har, så gör
det ju verkligen inte mer tilldragande.
Jag känner mig obekväm i tanken på att vara tillsammans med
en man i en monogam relation därför att det placerar mig mitt i heteronormativitetens
ep center! Woho! Happy moment!
En skulle ju kunna tro att detta genast placerade mig i facket för queer - kanske?
Men det blir än mer komplicerat, för om jag nu ändå faller för en människa
som råkar vara Man.
Och eftersom jag av bekvämlighet gärna går klädd i klänning eller kjol, (FEMININT)
är liten och vad folk kallar söt.
Blir jag således med detsamma placerad i facket:
HETEROSEXUELL KVINNA!
(som dessutom är monogam!)
Enligt utsidan är jag Kvinna.
Två par utstående fettklumpar (du kan kalla dem bröst)
En fitta (du kan kalla den framstjärt, eller nej gör för
fan inte det, det är kvinnoförnedrande, säg vagina, eller nää.. säg bara Fitta)
Voila det blev en Kvinna!
På insidan.
Är jag
Jag
Marina
Du kan kalla mig
Marina
Tack!
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